Modern Day Simpson's Softball Team

Jonah Keri had a great question in his Fangraphs' chat today about what his modern day Simpson's softball team would be.  His list is in this tweet:

This (Homer at the Bat) is one of my favorite Simpson's episodes of all time.  (From wikipedia) Mr. Burns tasked Mr. Smithers to get ringers for a softball game between his power plant and a rival power plant in Shelbyville.  The players he requests are  Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, Mordecai Brown, Gabby Street, Pie Traynor, Harry Hooper, Nap Lajoie, Joe Jackson, and Jim Creighton which Mr. Smithers has to tell Mr. Burns that many of these players are dead or long since retired.  Mr. Smithers gathers current major league stars that included  Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs, Ken Griffey, Jr., Steve Sax, Ozzie Smith, José Canseco, Don Mattingly, Darryl Strawberry and Mike Scioscia.  All of the players have some reason why they can't play except for Darryl Strawberry who plays the same position as Homer.  Darryl dominates the game, but in the last inning the Shelbyville team brings in a lefthanded pitcher.  Mr. Burns plays the platoon splits and brings in Homer (a right handed hitter) to face the pitcher with the bases loaded in a tie game.  Homer gets beaned which wins the game for Springfield. 

I think my favorite part of this team is that these aren't necessarily the best players at their positions at the time that this episode aired (1992).  Steve Sax, Don Mattingly, and Mike Scioscia were good players, but certainly not the best at their positions.  Strawberry had come off a decent season in 1991, but only played in 43 games in 1992.  With that in mind, personality factored into my list somewhat. 

SP - Roy Halladay  (Roger Clemens)

I went with Roy because he's the best right handed pitcher in baseball just like Roger Clemens was.  At the time (in my memory) Roger hadn't developed the surly personality that I think of him having now.  I remember him being a confident pitcher like I think of Halladay now.  I like the Lincecum pick because of his quirky personality, but I don't think Lincecum and Clemens have anything in common besides being major league pitchers.

C -  Jason Kendall (Mike Scioscia)

Mike Scioscia's last season was in 1992.  I don't remember him that well since his career ended about the time I became interested in baseball, but looking at his stats he hit for little power and had decent to good on base percentage numbers.  In the episode, Scioscia just wanted to be an everyman working a 9-5 job.  This led to him getting radiation poisoning (in the show) from working too much in the nuclear power plant.  I picked Jason Kendall because he's an unexciting catcher who's career is winding down.  He never really hit for power and had a few seasons where he was able to get on base fairly well.  He's also a guy that I could see working a 9 to 5 job, but then again a lot of catchers look like 9 to 5 job kind of guys.

1B -  Ryan Howard (Don Mattingly)

Mattingly had a nice peak from 1984 to 1989, but his career was definitely winding down when the episode aired.  He is beloved by Yankee fans and might even gets votes for the hall of fame based on that love.  Ryan Howard is a guy who enjoyed a nice peak, but is declining in skill as his strikeouts increase and walks decrease.  He seems to be somewhat overrated by his fans like Mattingly was.  Mattingly missed out on the softball game because Mr. Burns kept telling him to shave his non-existant side burns.  It would be funny to ask Ryan Howard to shave his non-existent side burns. 

2B -  Luis Castillo (Steve Sax)

Baseball reference does a similarity score where they compare players who are similar to other players.  Castillo is the second player listed as Sax's most similar player.  I thought this was pretty funny as both guys had long careers, weren't very good, and played in New York.  Steve Sax had an issue where he couldn't make a throw to first base.  They called it Steve Sax Syndrome.  Luis Castillo was recently released by the Mets and the Phillies offered him a tryout in Spring Training just before the season started.  For some reason, it took him a few days to get to Phillies camp even though Mets and Phillies camps are both in Florida.  Showing up late for your last opportunity should probably be refered to as Luis Castillo Syndrome now. 

3B - Adrian Beltre (Wade Boggs)

Beltre and Boggs are totally different hitters, but Beltre's quirkiness would be awesome for the team.  Adrian Beltre does not like to have his head touched.  I think that the Simpson's writers could think of a way to incorporate that into the reason why he does not make the team.  Like maybe Luis Catillo touches Beltre's head and then points at Ryan Howard.  Beltre comes up to Howard and swings wildly and misses.  Howard throws a single punch into Beltre's nose and knocks him out while Castillo giggles close by.  Howard then knocks out Castillo.

SS - Derek Jeter (Ozzie Smith)

I'm going to go with Jeter here as I don't think there is anyone comparable to Smith in baseball today.  Jeter is as well respected.  That's where the comparison ends.  Jeter's bat is much better than Smith's and Smith's glove is much better than Jeter's.  Ozzie gets lost in a Springfield Mystery Spot while sightseeing in Springfield.  I think it would be pretty funny to see Jeter sightseeing in a crappy town.

LF - Manny Ramirez (Jose Canseco)

I agree with this pick from Mr. Keri.  Both are interesting personalities to say the least (I can't wait for the Manny autobiography to come out).  They were both very good during their careers.  Manny was better.  Both seem to have no filter on their mouth. 

CF -  Ken Griffey Jr. (Ken Griffey Jr.)

This is probably the hardest for me as Griffey is my favorite baseball player.  I'm not sure there is anyone in baseball quite like Ken Griffey Jr.  Cargo had a great season last year, but probably won't be a full-time centerfielder.  I am really at a loss to come up with anyone who plays centerfield with close to as much talent or charisma as Griffey.  I'm going with Griffey here even though he retired last year and wasn't even close to the player he was in 1992 when he retired.  It's my list so I'm going to put Griffey on it.

RF - Josh Hamilton (Darryl Strawberry)

In right field, I have Josh Hamilton.  Ok, he's a leftfielder, but the corner outfield positions aren't as important as a centerfielder.  He can play right field.  He seems like a good match for Strawberry.  Both are super talented players that had their careers derailed by drugs.  The biggest problem I see with this is that its not as fun to chant Josh as it is to chant Darryl.  That ruins one of the best jokes in the show when Bart is chanting Darryl in a negative way and a single tear is seen going down his cheek.

Players I would have liked to have had on my team: Ichiro!, King Felix, Brett Anderson, Dirk Hayhurst, and Logan Morrison